I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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