I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
