I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Of course I have a pirate flag
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
