She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You are a genius and a whore.
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