i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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