If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
