if only i could text you this smell
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
