JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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