I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
