how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
