I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
