just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
