SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
