I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
