I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
