It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
