The maid of honor just puked.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize