i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
