i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
