btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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