god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
