Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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