Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
