i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
