I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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