fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize