so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You ruined the universe
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
