I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
