Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had to cum in my sink.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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