i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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