I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
