well I can't set my house on fire every night
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
