I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
