I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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