A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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