My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
