So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
