I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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