Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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