Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
