i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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