You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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