You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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