glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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