I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
