Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
