My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
