Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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