Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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