Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
