were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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