Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
