You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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