Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
