Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
