His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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