its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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