I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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