Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
