Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
