Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
