i barfeds in our rink
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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