Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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