I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
her vagine was all disorganized.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
