just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
