And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
