Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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