I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
