she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
and you fell through a lawn chair
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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