I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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